The Power of Relationship (By Klaas van der Horst)

As Klaas van der Horst learned the hard way in New York and London, and in his own family, building and cultivating relationships makes the difference between mediocre and great leadership, and between deal and no deal.

For many years I had dreamed of having my own restaurant, and becoming one of the rare chefs who earned the distinction of at least one "Michelin" star for the restaurant. My oldest son Björn left home at seventeen - and broke my heart.
He gave a sign of life from time to time, but I felt he had gone out of communication.

A decade later he showed up - and was employed in one of the restaurants of the famous chef Alain Ducasse. Today Björn has already earned his first "Michelin" star in one of London's top restaurants.

When I read Communicate or Die, I suddenly saw how poor my speaking - let alone my listening - to Björn had been over the years. I also realized how proud I was of him, and I told him (using the tools from the book).

This simple communication has completely transformed our relationship. Recently Björn looked to employ a coach to help him achieve his ambitious objectives (in short, a 3-star "Michelin" that makes money).

I offered to be that coach. He accepted, and I was moved and honored in ways I can hardly describe. The first assignment I gave him is to read Communicate or Die, and do the exercise on page xxi. To give you a taste, here it is.

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Lab: Leadership-In-Action
What objective is so vast that it would stretch you way beyond who you are today?

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By when?

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What strengths do you bring that qualify you to meet this objective?

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What is missing in your leadership to meet this objective?

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What blockages (in you and around you) will you need to transcend to meet the objective?

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(I am aware that most people skip over these types of labs. But maybe you will find it in yourself to invest a few minutes in answering these questions. It's a great time of year for this type of exploration.)

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The experience with Björn gave me an idea: the biggest difference I could make was to commit myself to making the book available to everyone I knew. I ordered 150 copies of Communicate or Die for my business and personal relationships. It seemed like I wasn't the only one.

Then I read Thomas's other book, Culture Clash - and realized that here were the tools that any manager, politician or salesman confronted with cross-cultural issues and committed to success must use. To put it simply: the more people read Culture Clash, the more businesses and societies can bridge the cultural differences they are facing, and the less cultural clashes (from the riots in France to violence in the Middle East, from lawsuits to culture clashes at DaimlerChrysler) there will be.

Culture Clash would have made a difference in my work In the 1980s and early 1990s when I worked as an interbank money market broker in New York and London. My results with colleagues in European and North-American banks were excellent, but this cannot be said of my Japanese accounts.

Meanwhile, a colleague of mine had non-stop extraordinary results with his exclusively Japanese accounts. What was going on? He later he told me that he avoided all technical questions; what he did do was spending virtually entire nights with his Japanese customers, entertaining them and building ever-deeper relationships with them. Then, during business hours, his Japanese friends pushed all sorts of lucrative deals in his direction. I wish I had known the Global Leader Pyramid™ from Culture Clash then!

But back to the present: I bought 75 copies of Culture Clash. Call me crazy, but when I see a good thing, I want to share it with everyone.

Thanks for what you do to build a better world.

All the best,
Klaas van der Horst

Klaas van der Horst is a Swiss Consulting Group advisor. A former interbank money-market broker, he lives in Geneva. He and his wife Azucena have four children. kvdh@swissconsultinggroup.com.